I was feeling more than brave after the response receive from the boy who turned me from heartbreaker to actually changing my heart. I got what I wanted and on top of that I heard what I didn't expect but knew all along. He thought I was beautiful and intelligent. Shock horror. His words belonged to me. But a day has passed now and yesterday seems like a dream. I already feel out of touch, somehow detached. Maybe it will pass, but it seems like anytime I do something that would otherwise rattle me I'm unaffected.
However, what possessed me to write to the world today was my growing frustration with my mother. What I want doesn't matter if it isn't what she wants. She goes on singing 'I'm fighting you for you.' as if it's a bloody war cry. There isn't much more that this relationship can take. If she doesn't ease off me I could be worse than I was before. I can't keep paying back for what I did when I didn't do it her. I don't even know if she was effected, but of course she'll say she was, and that it was the hardest for her. I just hope that one day she could look beyond herself and love again, not me but my bruv. That things wouldn't always have to be about her and that she would start letting go and letting us live. She is an Amazing woman, but everyday, she's pushing me away from her world.
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